


Like The Ocean's Tide

by CosmoKid



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Making Out, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-08 03:19:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17973488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmoKid/pseuds/CosmoKid
Summary: He’s four halves way done cleaning the kitchen, scrubbing away at a thrice cleaned countertop when the knock finally comes. He swallows. “It’s open.”A flurry of butterflies invade his stomach when he hears the door open, he doesn’t dare look. He shouldn’t be stressed, not like this. There’s no reason to be worried, but his brain just won’t shut up. He should have just told Bellamy when they first started dating, that would have made it all easier. Taking a deep breath, he continues to scrub at the practically spotless counter.





	Like The Ocean's Tide

**Author's Note:**

> me? using fic to deal with my own issues? its more likely than you think
> 
>  
> 
> title from stone by jaymes young because like that songs is so murphamy it kills me and like so much of his music is just john murphy

He’s four halves way done cleaning the kitchen, scrubbing away at a thrice cleaned countertop when the knock finally comes. He swallows. “It’s open.”

A flurry of butterflies invade his stomach when he hears the door open, he doesn’t dare look. He shouldn’t be stressed, not like this. There’s no reason to be worried, but his brain just won’t shut up. He should have just told Bellamy when they first started dating, that would have made it all easier. Taking a deep breath, he continues to scrub at the practically spotless counter.

“Hey,” Bellamy murmurs, his arms enveloping Murphy’s waist as he rests his head on his shoulder. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen this kitchen this spotless.”

“Yeah? I’m trying this new thing called not living like a college student,” he snarks, resting back against the wall that is Bell’s body. Almost immediately, he feels his nerves calm in the security of Bell’s arms. 

“You are a college student,” Bell points out and Murphy can hear the smile in his voice.

He grins, slowly turning in his arms. “Doesn’t mean I have to live like one.”

Bellamy raises his eyebrows questioningly. Murphy huffs, hitting his chest weakly under the pretense of being annoyed, but more so he can pull at Bellamy’s collar to drag him down for a kiss. Bell obliges, caging him in against the counter as he kisses him softly. Murphy reaches up to tangle his fingers in Bell’s hair. He could just stay in this moment forever.

But he can’t because life goes on and he didn’t ask Bell to come over just to make out as much as he’d love to. He has to tell Bell what he’s planned to tell him for weeks now, they’re at the point where he leaves the door open when Bell’s coming over. This shouldn’t be a difficult thing to tell his boyfriend.

And yet it is and he can’t fathom why. There’s no reason to feel ashamed, but every time he tries to find the words, his stomach plummets and his mouth runs dry.

Bell pulls away to breathe. “What was it you wanted to talk about?”

Again, he can’t find the words. His heart starts to pound again. He blinks, slowly untangling his hands from Bellamy’s curls and reaching to entwine their hands as he slowly leads him over to sit on the couch. Bell follows without comment and squeezes his hand when they’re sat.

“I,” he starts, licking his lips. He loses whatever words were in his head the second he starts trying to speak. He glares down at his hands, trying to will the words out. It shouldn’t be this difficult to say simple words.

“You okay?” 

Murphy nods, not looking up. “I just, it’s hard to say, you know? I’m scared you’ll, I don’t know, judge me.”

“Whatever it is, I’m not going to judge you, I promise,” Bellamy says without hesitation, using his free hand to lift Murphy’s chin so he has to look him in the eyes. “Unless you’re about to tell me you’ve killed a guy or something, I’m not going to judge. And even then, I’m sure I can find a way to deal with it.”

He snorts and rolls his eyes. “I haven’t killed anyone, and anyway if I had, I know not to admit it to anyone.”

For the second time, Bellamy raises his eyebrows questioningly, but he’s smiling at him. “So I know it’s not murder, that narrows it down pretty much none.”

“It’s not murder,” he agrees, sobering up as he realizes he has to actually tell him. “It’s… Wow, I’m shit at this.”

Bell squeezes his hand again. “It’s okay, take your time.”

“Okay,” he says and nods. “I uh, it’s hard to say this, I guess. I just, I’m going to say this and if you want to leave me, then it’s fine, okay? I… I have depression and I’ve been on antidepressants since I was eighteen and I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you for weeks, but I just, I don’t know. I just, yeah.”

It’s silent for several seconds and Murphy can’t breathe until Bell asks, “And what part of that is meant to make me want to leave you?” 

“I… don’t know,” he says, expecting Bellamy to laugh. He doesn’t. Instead, he takes Murphy’s free hand and smiles at him in a way that makes his heart flutter. “I guess there’s this, this stigma about it, I don’t know. It’s, I’ve, you know I’ve told people before and they’ve just been so awkward about it and I don’t want to lose you because of it and I, I don’t know. I don’t know.”

“You’re not going to lose me, Murphy, I promise,” Bell says, staring at him with an intensity that makes Murphy unable to look away. He has to look at him and he has to see that Bell is telling the truth.

“But I’m, I’m broken. I have to take these pills to be normal,” he blurts out, unable to detect a lie in the words. He knows logically that it’s not true, but it feels true.

“You’re not broken,” Bellamy tells him, gripping his hands tighter. “You have a chemical imbalance in your brain and you take medication to balance that. How is that any different to me wearing my contacts so I can see properly?”

“That’s not the same.”

“Really? How about I take them out and we’ll go for a drive? Or we’ll build that bookshelf you’ve been meaning to do and I’ll read the instructions for you?”

He stares at Bellamy, the words swimming around in his head. “Okay, I get it. You’re right. I just, I don’t know. Logically, I know that it’s no different to taking insulin or having an inhaler, but sometimes it just, it feels like a flaw, you know? I’m twenty-years-old and I have to take pills to function.”

“That’s not a flaw, Murph,” Bellamy murmurs, untangling their hands and guiding Murphy’s hands to his shoulders. He watches him cautiously as Bell wraps his arms around his waist. “Plenty of people have to do it. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. And I promise that I love you, all of you, that hasn’t changed and it’s not going to.”

“Really?” he asks, losing his breath for a few seconds.

“Really,” Bell confirms, smiling at him. “Now, can I kiss my very beautiful boyfriend who I love so much?”

“You sure you’ve got your contacts in if I look very beautiful?” he teases even as he leans in.

Bellamy huffs. “Shut up, Murphy.”

**Author's Note:**

> this is very much inspired by one day at a time because its a fantastic show that you should totally go watch right now!!
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)
> 
> come scream with me on [tumblr](https://cosmo-k-i-d.tumblr.com/%22)  
> 


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